Journal Entry: Lazy Life

 August 5th, 2016

Tuesday, 11:30am

          I awoke to the weird sensation of my phone buzzing in my pocket.  Someone was trying to contact me!  It had been weeks since anyone from the outside world had texted, and even longer since I had texted back.  I slowly lifted my weak body and sat up, cheeto crumbs rolling off my stained shirt.  The TV was still scrolling through YouTube videos of kittens eating marshmellows.  It was ridiculous just how many videos there were of the same exact thing, and even more ridiculous that I had watched most of them last night.  I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV as the adorable kitten was midbite into it's sixteenth marshmellow, and then I pulled out my buzzing phone from the cavernous pocket of my sweatpants.  With all the curtains drawn, the light from my IPhone 6 was blinding, but after a few adjustment to the brightness, I was able to see who the text was from.  It was George Kley, that one really active guy that loved Batman and gym shorts.  The text read: "Hey Reed, want to go on a date tonight?  I've got a girl for you!"  It took my tired brain a few minutes to process what he had said.  A date??  What was a date?.... It clicked!  A date!  Those things where you did activities and such...with girls!  I would've leaped off the couch at that moment, but my legs wouldn't obey my commands.  I tried again, and again, but the behemoths before my eyes just laid there like beached whales!  I started to panic a little, but then I remembered that there was a tool somewhere in the house that could maybe pry me off the couch.  "STEVE!!!!"  I yelled, hoping he was in his usual den.  My hopes were answered as I heard the grumbling grunting hulk open his door with a crash and stomp up the stairs.  "WHAT IS IT NOW!!??"  He roared as he reached the top.  "Hehe, I'm a little stuck..." He beheld my predicament and a sinister smile crept across his unshaven face.  His eyes now alight with mischief, he slowly said, "And I suppose you'd like me to help you out?"  I gulped and nodded as he stalked toward me.  In one swift movement, he grabbed my legs with his meaty hands and hurled me across the room.  Luckily, there was nothing on the dining table like last time.  I slid across the top and fell face-down on the wood floor.  My whole body throbbed like a giant bruise, but on the upside, I could feel my legs again!  "Thnnks," I murmured from the ground.  I heard him making a gorilla-like hiccuping sound, which was as close as he ever got to laughter, and he tromped back down to his den.  I groaned as I pushed myself off the floor and got my feet beneath me.  I wobbled unsteadily as I walked to the kitchen.  I hadn't walked in awhile.  The next five minutes in the kitchen I spent downing half a box of cereal, and then I lumbered to my unrecognizable room.  The sea of dirty clothes, old homework papers, half-eaten TV dinners, chips bags, candy wrappers, and scary looking orange spongy stuff was at least two feet deep.  I waded through the mess, checking my dresser for any clean clothes.  Nothing.  That's right, I ran out of them four days ago.

Summer (A Realistic Remix)

I'm back!  You may have thought I had given up on writing, or I had lost my arms while harvesting grain, or that I had turned into a tree, but rest assured, that hasn't happened to me yet!  The reason for the delay lies with school...need I say more?

I hope you have all had a wonderful beginning of Summer.  If you haven't, you don't know what Summer is all about.  The Latin definition of "summer" is: a period of time created for partying.
I would like everyone to know I have already been to 7 official parties, 4 unofficial get-togethers, and done probably 16 hang-outs.  I don't plan to stop there either, as I believe in expeditiously (word of the day) taking full advantage of what Summer has to offer.  Let me describe it more in detail through a poem:

Oh Summer is here!  What shall I do?
I'll probably start with a nap or two,
And then I will text all the people who
my hangouts with are long overdue.

Tomorrow I'm busy, but the weekend is free!
Let's do something then, oh what fun it will be!
But make sure it's late, because right after noon
I'm going on a date and won't be back soon.

"Thanks for the party!" I text to my friend,
I add two emojis and then I hit send.
I lazily watch as the message is loading,
Then with a swoosh, it's off!  And I'm back to my dozing.

Another group message here,
Another Facebook chat there,
My calendar is full,
No free time anywhere!

Of course, you realize I'm making this up.
No one has time like this, no one has that much luck!
But maybe this Summer will be a change for me...
Wait mom, you want me to spend time with family??

Yep, that pretty much sums it up.

Book Clips: The Haunted Schoolboy

Chapter 12

 The haunted schoolboy

        Jimmy continued to glance back over his shoulder as he walked home from the park.  Just a few minutes ago, he had caught a glance of some sort of floating shape behind him, but as he turned around, a swish of wind made the shape disappear.  He told himself it was just a trick of the dim light, but since then he had quickened his pace and watched behind him for any more strange apparitions.  It hadn't been clear what the thing was, but if Jimmy knew anything about ghosts, and he did (thanks to his older brothers), it was that they were real and probably after him, even though he didn't know why.  Jimmy breathed out a sigh of relief as he reach his well-lit street.  His parents would be home, and he would be completely safe with other people around.  Just then, a sound of ripping paper came from behind him.  He spun around, but there was nothing in sight.  Then he noticed a few small white pieces of paper on the ground which looked like bits of fringe from a paper notebook.  They blew away in the breeze as he watched.  Shaken, Jimmy ran to his house, rushing through the door and slamming it behind him.  "Jimmy, you home?" his mother called from the kitchen.  "Yeah, I'm back," Jimmy said breathing heavily.  The rest of the evening was eerily normal, and between a delicious home-cooked dinner and watching The Incredibles, Jimmy just about forgot the strange events that had happened to him earlier.  He fell asleep sometime around midnight, which is strange because normally that is the most haunting hour.  However, at 3:13am, Jimmy awoke!  Something had caused him to wake up, but he didn't know what.  He was alert and jumpy, which was strange because he was normally sluggish and tired at this time of night.  As he laid there contemplating these strange things, something scratched at the window!  He nearly jumped out of his skin, which would have been very painful, and he grabbed a flashlight from the side of his bed and turned it on.  His friend Ace didn't normally come around with his deliveries until 4:30am!  He wondered if perhaps Ace was in trouble again and had to swing by early, but his doubts were erased when he saw the floating white shape outside his window.  It had come for him!  He frantically sorted through his options of either hiding under the covers or wetting the bed, but he didn't have time to properly do either, so he froze in place (a very sound tactic normally).  The window slowly slid open, and the white shape drifted inside.  Jimmy trembled as it slowly (excruciatingly slowly) floated towards him.  He could make out some of its features now.  It had three holes in its side, blue stripes across its body, and the worst part was, he recognized it.  In his own handwriting, scrawled across the sinister sheet of notebook paper, were the words: Biology project due tomorrow!  Jimmy screamed.

The End (of Jimmy).

 

Disagreements With A Side Of Sunshine

      I'm back, and it has been awhile!  Time flies faster than a chihuahua thrown out of a window, and I would know!  This last week I've had a lot of time to think...about an hour.  I've had about an hour to think, and what it really came down to was, "what time is lunch?" So I shall expound up that very deep thought.

    First off, what is lunch?  (Sorry if this gets a little too philosophical for readers.  This message comes straight from my heart...or stomach)  One might respond, "Lunch is the meal people eat in the middle of the day."  A reasonable response, but then again, when is the middle of the day?  Now I've got everyone arguing and bickering, and all because they can't agree.  Well, I'm fed up with disagreement, and I have come up a solution to everyone's problems.  My new idea is called "Get Along or Jail!"  Let me pose a number of examples that will illustrate the benefits of this regime. 

Example 1:

(Tommy comes up to Rachel and grabs her doll) "I get to play with this now!"
"No Tommy it's mine!"
"I get a turn!"
"Mom!!"
(Mom walks up to where they are squabbling)
"Jail time!  Now!"
(The rest of family now enjoys the peace and quiet, and mom finally gets a break.)


Example 2:

(Chris and Joe are talking at the park) 
Chris: "What came first: the skittle or the rainbow?"
Joe: "Obviously the rainbow."
Chris: "Wrong.  The rainbow stemmed from the skittle."
Joe: "Yeah right, that doesn't make any sense."
(Police show up and arrest them.  Chris and Joe never disagree again.)

I think I've made my point.  Now we shall move onto other matters.

    This last week I have had the opportunity to enjoy heaps and heaps of sunshine!  Too bad I didn't take advantage of the opportunity.  I was busy.  However, don't start thinking I don't like the sunshine, because I luuuuuv the sunshine.  It's just...sometimes it looks more appealing from inside an air-conditioned room.  And like I said, I have been busy.  Between school and my new job, I don't even know how I'm going to make time for my homework.  I guess I might be able to squeeze it in between the 3-hour naps and Netflix.  My days are completely full, and now I no longer have any time to even watch the sunshine through my window!  Rough stuff, let me tell you.  The moral of this story is: ....a complete mystery!

An extravagant read, wouldn't you say!?
 (Word of the Day)

Introduction

Greetings my new readers!  I am very happy that you have come to read my words, for my words are definitely worth reading! (At least I believe so.) To start, I shall commence with my tale of woe:

Morn twas upon the people of Portland,

The Sun clave asunder the horizon,

And lo and behold, Reed Murphy awoke!

And there you have it folks!  The terrible misfortune that struck Reed Murphy this morning!
He was sleeping soundly, dreaming deeply, wishing dearly that he wouldn't have to wake up early this morning (as in 6:00am), when suddenly his ten hidden alarms blared, reminding him that he had to wake up early this morning (as in 6:00am). 

If you are wondering how I know about this tragic event before it has made headlines, allow me to introduce myself.  I'm Reed Murphy.  And I've come here to show everyone, through my experiences, that even the most popular, talented, witty, muscular, good-looking people still have rough times.  This blog will definitely be inspiring.....inspiring what though?  I can't say for sure.  But at the very least, you'll have another thing to share on facebook! (As if you needed anything more...)

My main goal for this writing experiment is to provide comical material for all that want it, and really boring material for all that don't want it.

My sub-goal is to talk about anything interesting, puzzling, stupid, random, and basically just talk about whatever I want to, so be prepared!

I think that wraps things up very nicely!  I'll be posting really sporadically (word of the day!) so bear with me.  

Ciao!