August 5th, 2016
Tuesday, 11:30am
I awoke to the weird sensation of my phone buzzing in my pocket. Someone was trying to contact me! It had been weeks since anyone from the outside world had texted, and even longer since I had texted back. I slowly lifted my weak body and sat up, cheeto crumbs rolling off my stained shirt. The TV was still scrolling through YouTube videos of kittens eating marshmellows. It was ridiculous just how many videos there were of the same exact thing, and even more ridiculous that I had watched most of them last night. I grabbed the remote and turned off the TV as the adorable kitten was midbite into it's sixteenth marshmellow, and then I pulled out my buzzing phone from the cavernous pocket of my sweatpants. With all the curtains drawn, the light from my IPhone 6 was blinding, but after a few adjustment to the brightness, I was able to see who the text was from. It was George Kley, that one really active guy that loved Batman and gym shorts. The text read: "Hey Reed, want to go on a date tonight? I've got a girl for you!" It took my tired brain a few minutes to process what he had said. A date?? What was a date?.... It clicked! A date! Those things where you did activities and such...with girls! I would've leaped off the couch at that moment, but my legs wouldn't obey my commands. I tried again, and again, but the behemoths before my eyes just laid there like beached whales! I started to panic a little, but then I remembered that there was a tool somewhere in the house that could maybe pry me off the couch. "STEVE!!!!" I yelled, hoping he was in his usual den. My hopes were answered as I heard the grumbling grunting hulk open his door with a crash and stomp up the stairs. "WHAT IS IT NOW!!??" He roared as he reached the top. "Hehe, I'm a little stuck..." He beheld my predicament and a sinister smile crept across his unshaven face. His eyes now alight with mischief, he slowly said, "And I suppose you'd like me to help you out?" I gulped and nodded as he stalked toward me. In one swift movement, he grabbed my legs with his meaty hands and hurled me across the room. Luckily, there was nothing on the dining table like last time. I slid across the top and fell face-down on the wood floor. My whole body throbbed like a giant bruise, but on the upside, I could feel my legs again! "Thnnks," I murmured from the ground. I heard him making a gorilla-like hiccuping sound, which was as close as he ever got to laughter, and he tromped back down to his den. I groaned as I pushed myself off the floor and got my feet beneath me. I wobbled unsteadily as I walked to the kitchen. I hadn't walked in awhile. The next five minutes in the kitchen I spent downing half a box of cereal, and then I lumbered to my unrecognizable room. The sea of dirty clothes, old homework papers, half-eaten TV dinners, chips bags, candy wrappers, and scary looking orange spongy stuff was at least two feet deep. I waded through the mess, checking my dresser for any clean clothes. Nothing. That's right, I ran out of them four days ago.
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